Making A Mr. Grammar Mascot

• Legs: 10’ length of ½” white PVC piping
  
• Arms: 10’ length of ¼” white PVC piping
  
• Spine: 3’ length of ½” white PVC piping
  
• Joints: Various 45-90 degree elbow joints
  
• Hacksaw (you definitely don't want to use power tools for this one!)
  
• Epoxy or other super-adhesive
• Aerosol expanding gap-filler foam (to glue the spine to the pelvis)
• A few crumpled sheets of paper towel (to stabilize the spine in the pelvis)
• Measuring tape
• Pencil

I’m a big fan of action figures, so I thought it’d be cool to have a sort of life-sized MR. GRAMMAR™ action figure. A fully articulated and life-sized MR. GRAMMAR™ action figure, that is.

How hard could it be? I asked myself.

Yeah. Right.

Famous last words.

This was just another example of my over-ambitiousness because while we did complete MR. GRAMMAR™, it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do. That and we only finished him the day before New York Comic Con 2009 started, which was his debut.

Anyway, after I figured out what pose I wanted him to be in, which was the standard GRAMMAR MATTERS!™ pose, I made a lot of sketches (some of them even to scale!).

Then, after about 6+ trips to Jo-Ann Fabrics and Lowes, I bought all the basic materials, which was pretty much just white PVC piping, a variety of ‘elbows’, a hollow cardboard book and the largest white Styrofoam ball I could find, the latter of which determined his height (due to the nature of proportions and all).

Next, I had to figure out how I wanted to proportion the various arm and leg segments. My main concern was with the legs, actually. To make him look more human, his femur bones needed to be significantly longer, but considering the angle that they were coming out of the ‘pelvis’ it would look like he was squatting somewhat suspiciously, and that was no good. So I thought a 2” difference would be good, but that turned out to be barely perceptible.

So I asked Jon DeMulder to help me out with some of this. Namely with using a circ saw to quickly cut the pieces down…except it didn’t work as well as it might on, say, a plank of wood. Round and smooth plastic is difficult to cut straight, and in the end I used a hacksaw to make the final alterations, which was so much easier, and it didn’t take very long either. I just kept thinking about this audio book I picked up a few years ago. It’s a documentary/memoir called The Body Farm, about one of the pioneers in the field of forensics. I highly recommend it.

After a lot of trial and error and a whopping amount of frustration, Jonny helped me out some more.

See how productive I am now?

Anyway, I ended up switching the femur bones with the shinbones so he would stand taller, which I think makes him look a little more normal. I also significantly cut down his arm segments because he just looked ridiculous otherwise. Like an alien horse-man.

Unfortunately, I didn’t think this through because now the hand that was supposed to be resting on his hip was about 6” too far away. That’s when I picked up the hollow cardboard book, which two teachers at my day job helped me make look like a real dictionary (actually, they totally hijacked that project, but I’m happy they did!).

Then I had to figure out how and where to attach the book. That’s when long-time friend Aaron Das proved invaluable. After some serious goofing off and a lesson in effectively using a box cutter to cut through wood and other materials, we settled on having him hold the book overhead.

If we had the time and foresight, we would have made it a Dictionary-Axe. As it is, MR. GRAMMAR is obviously a very dangerous man (or is that his evil twin brother?)!

As we learned, there’s actually only one way to kill a GRAMMARIAN – to cut his (or her) head off. Of course, then s/he simply becomes a HEADLESS GRAMMARIAN, and that comes with its own special set of problems, so we eventually reattached his head, returning him to his ‘normal’ state of being.

As you can see, we leaned him up against the wall there, which worked out surprisingly well (and we were lucky enough to actually have a side wall to use – thanks TMNT guys!). One day, we’ll actually figure out how to make an effective base so he can stand on his own two feet.

And although he’s only partially articulated, I can break him down and fit him into a collapsible camping chair carrying bag. Totally freakin’ awesome!

All things considered, I think we did a real kick ass job bringing this guy to life – but it wouldn’t have been worth it if all you Grammar Geeks™ hadn’t appreciated him! So thanks to everyone who got a picture with the man, and to everyone who complimented him or smiled at him. It really means the world!